I loved this book. It's Tracy Schorn providing tough love to all the individuals in the world who have partners that have betrayed them by being unfaithful. But it's not just about any cheater it's about the cheater who does not want to stop cheating - who agrees to reconciliation but then repeats the unfaithful behaviour - who has no real remorse for what they've done and no concern for the pain that they cause.
It's not easy to reconcile after infidelity and it's not easy to split up either BUT if you've a partner that doesn't want to put any effort in to the reconciliation process then the best and only option in order to retain self-dignity and respect is to leave the cheater. And gain a new. It is a really tough thing to do and if you've got a serial cheater you don't need to be fed false hopes that they will change if you just... be more sexy... lose some weight... allow more freedom... fill in the dots!
Chump Nation is where people go who've been played for a fool and lied to. It's where these feelings can be articulated and experience shared amongst each other. Tracy's blog "Chump Lady" has provided the backdrop to this book. Betrayal by the person you thought was your best friend and partner for life is traumatic. And Tracy gets this - she's been there. Infidelity is abuse and it's about time someone used these words. It's psychological abuse.
It's great to read a perspective that doesn't have the therapeutic whitewash that is peddled that suggests affairs happen because of 'unmet needs'. This is nonsense. An affair is a choice to lie and betray your partner in order to have extra marital sex in secret and you have to have the character that permits you to do this.
Yes, the book is harsh on hopes of reconciliation but is this simply realism Tracy does not say it is impossible - just improbable, and from the number of responses on her blog, reconciliation has proved impossible for many. "Every cheater is a known manipulator. So be sceptical before you buy into remorse. Under what conditions are people who have demonstrated poor character motivated to change" This is a question that all betrayed partners need to ask when considering reconciliation.
Cheaters are portrayed in popular culture "as tortured protagonists, sexy taboo breakers compelled by forces greater than themselves to love the forbidden other. Oh, the crushing indecision, being torn between two lovers, thwarted by the cruel forces of monogamy. Poor Cheaters. All they seek is happiness"
Where is the experience of the betrayed partner and how is it depicted Think about it.
"Infidelity is the theft of your reality. People don't understand this unless its happened to them" Let's hope this book reaches a wide enough audience to get a new conversation going.