inspired by my similar review of Simon Vs, here we go: a list of
every iconic moment of this book
"I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THAT WHEN IT COMES TO ABBY" IN LIKE THE SECOND FUCKING CHAPTER
Simon and Leah inventing bro culture
the fact that Nick and Simon's college tour list is literally mine subtracting three women's colleges the accuracy jesus christ
Taylor disparaging the tech crew and Nora looking as if she wants to silently implode is my mood
"Joseph is the bomb."
"Don't say the bomb."
"Joseph is the blizz."
Everything Leah's mom says in this entire book, tbh
the establishment of Leah's anxiety and how it causes her to overreact to situations and hyperinflate them in her mind and how fuckening relatable that is
Apparently, Simon's dad asked the tour guide at Duke to "please elaborate on the campus gay scene."
"I wanted to fucking die," Simon told me.
Leah wearing gold combat boots, like an icon
all the Martin Addison hate
"All my ships kissing - Inej and Nina, Percabeth, a few original characters..." honestly why are we surprised by this it's so in character, Leah has a Ninej shipper personality
"Mr. Spier, memorizing the Hamilton soundtrack is not going to help you on the AP Euro exam."
Garrett being useless and flirty and Trying
Abby being Maybe Kind Of Cute but Very Straight and Leah being A Bisexual
But the show was amazing, even with Martin Addison back in commission. Or maybe it's because Martin was back in commission, as much as it kills me to admit that. I hate when assholes have talent. I want to live in a world where good people rule at everything and shitty people suck at everything. In short: I want Martin Addison's voice to crack like an earthquake.
the two times that characters tell other characters they like each other's boots
Leah's baby crush on Simon being totally confirmed
Dear God and/or Cal Price: please start this show now
The entire I-aim-to-please-miss-Steel scene
Leah's iconic prom dress
Leah being cute and crushing on Abby and not really getting that she's flirting and still remaining convinced that she is a total hetero, 100% straight, not at ALL into her
"Abby is straight as a popsicle stick" girl. no she ain't
Becky how do you know the gays of this generation so well tf
the sort of subtextual narrative around Leah's being plus-size and how that affects her mental well-being!! this is something Becky Albertalli has actually talked about a lot in terms of how writing this was emotionally cathartic for her and it really shows and I'm super into it.
Every Simon and Bram moment establishing them as That Gross Couple
Can we just talk about the fact of the road trip Abby asked Leah to go on a road trip with her to tour the college they are both going to, together, and asks her to be roommates and maybe wants to be something more Gay
leah: and we're going to be roommates
me: oh my god they were roommates
"get out your second-most-epic playlist"
Leah having a heart attack of happiness when Caitlin uses they/them for her friend is such relatable content
the deep and sheer gay energy of page 178
Leah dreaming of her future with Abby where they're just besties and talking about FaceTiming Simon together and eating cookies and I love love
"No way. Caitlin's your friend."
"Well, she's my cousin's girlfriend's sister's friend."
I mean, how can we ever forget they shared a bed
the fact that the quote "Like, you look at Abby, and she's the picture of innocence: spiral curls, lavender pajama shorts. But no." refers to Abby dog-earing Harry Potter
Leah being one of Those People who is anti-dog-earing
Bubo Yass and Hue Barkle
what the fuck is a duck tour
"Well, my daughter is vegan.
"Totally fine. There are lots of vegan options-"
"I'd appreciate something a little more specific than 'lots of vegan options.'" like bitch we all know this mom
the entire conversation about gender segregated dorms
"I've already given up on my hair. My hair is an asshole."
ABBY COMPLIMENTED LEAH'S EYES #NEVERFORGET
the fact that, at page 191, Leah is still confident in Abby's heterosexuality
rip Abby's heterosexuality, never-never. tragic
"Guys, come meet Abby and Leah They're friends with my brother."
"Just so you know, I've literally never met Caitlin's brother."
The fact that Abby overusing literally is completely canon. the most in character thing of all time maybe
That scene where Leah gets pissed off because Abby looks so "fucking wholesome"
the fact that Abby notices Leah staring but Leah's resting bitch face is so bad that Abby goes straight to "why are you looking at me like you want to kill me"
"I've never been more grateful for my resting bitch face. Ever."
Abby calling Leah an amazing drummer!!
drunk Abby is the purest bean and I adore her
"I want to know who you like."
"Trick question, I hate everyone."
the following Scene you know what scene I'm discussing
the idea that Abby is afraid to be a straight girl messing around because of how much her cousin talks about Those Girls and how that's explored as an insecurity Abby has
the exploration of Leah's insecurity about the same thing, about being an experiment to a girl she likes so much and wants to open up to
"because you're so fucking hetero" -pick up lines that have worked for at least one person
Leah leaving Morgan at that fucking restaurant like the icon she is
I'm so glad we're acknowledging Haverford as the iconic Nerd Gay college that it is
I think I might literally be the only Californian who is aware of the Acela, but I love this Authentic East Coast Culture
LEAH GETTING COMMISSIONS
you know I went into this book thinking Leah would be a Chaotic Bitter Bi Icon but actually she's a useless art bisexual and I love her
The daily cringe, starring Garrett Laughlin. Today's episode: Garrett missed the memo about not calling women ladies.
Abby Suso: smoothest girl in the world
"I love that prom's at the nature center. It suits us."
"Because we're so naturally awesome"
"Because our classmates are literally wildlife."
Simon and Leah's brotp scene aaaaah!
"Simon's acting weird. It's like there's something he's not telling me."
"Maybe he's gay."
"Yeah, I've been wondering that."
every moment contained in Pages 255 through 259 in the U.S Hardcover edition of Leah on the Offbeat (2018) by Becky Albertalli
honestly why did that need to go to shit
"Of all the fuckin' days"
"Okay, please don't say fuckin'."
She shoots me a self-conscious glance. "I thought we liked cussing."
"We love cussing. But we say the fucking g. I don't want to hear that apostrophe, mom."
Leah and Wells finally getting to talk was so nice
Leah on the Offbeat spoiler without context: American Girl Bistro
"A pair of blonde dolls that look disturbingly like Taylor Metternich" honestly does anyone else want a Taylor Metternich spinoff she's such an iconic character for having like, four minutes of pagetime in the entire Creekwood canon
this meta about Leah's character that means so fucking much to me
ABBY GETTING A BLACK GIRL DOLL AND NAMING HER HERMIONE
I don't want to talk about the ending. I seriously just loved it. I have never had a non-canon sapphic ship go canon in a further series, in further books, nothing. but my 2015 otp is canon and they kissed at prom and they made fun of how cliche it was and it was just so iconic.
I actually accept that this was a bit less narratively coherent than Simon and I don't really care. I loved this so much oh my god
and with that... we're done. check out my corresponding review for Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and have a nice and amazing day
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